Milano's Odd Job Collection is Boring

Welcome back my weebs and otaku, it's Otakunofuji with another game video. Today we're talking about Milano's Odd Job Collection, a late 90's Japan exclusive PlayStation 1 game that just got a re-release on modern platforms including, surprisingly enough, Xbox. Why did they deem this one worthy of bringing back, you're surely asking. The answer to that is - I have no freaking idea! It's really not anything special. It's not especially cute or cozy or wholesome or anything, really. It's a mildly quirky collection of terrible minigames, but for just $15 it might still be worth a look just for curiosity's sake.

Milano's Odd Job Collection stars 11-year old girl Milano ... wait, come back. I know that's the least appealing introduction ever, but it's not weird. Anyway, 11-year old Milano's mother is going to be in the hospital for 40 days, because reasons, so Milano is supposed to go live with her uncle for a while. Her uncle, who we can only assume is a dirtbag, already left on vacation though, so Milano has to take care of herself for all of that time. Which, according to anime, is totally normal for Japanese kids to live by themselves for extended periods. 

The gameplay here is an extremely basic time management sim mixed with a minigame collection. Milano can do one job a day, or she can stay at home to decorate the house with junk you buy with the money she earns, or she can just go to the park and hang out all day. In the evening, she can eat a meal, clean the house, feed the cat, or other things before going to bed. You can buy other things like musical instruments, a TV, a stereo, or potted plants, which give you more options for things to do. As you do all of these activities, Milano's stats gradually increase which give you access to new jobs, higher difficulty levels (and thus higher payments for those jobs), as well as more energy so you have more time to complete the jobs each day. 

The good news is that you can't really ever actually fail in the game. Sure, you can screw up the jobs and not get paid for that day, but there aren't any fail states. You don't have to eat meals, or clean the house, or wash clothes, or do anything, really. Milano will get through all 40 days just fine. The worst thing that can happen is the cat runs away if you don't feed it. Of course, it's a lot more fun if you buy new stuff to do and raise her stats and make an effort, but it's all mostly stress free. And pretty boring, honestly.

The meat of the gameplay is supposed to be the jobs Milano can do but, I'm just going to say it, they all freaking suck. You can wash dishes by mashing buttons. Collect fruit as it falls from trees. Make cakes by playing a simple match puzzle game. Deliver pizza on a scooter but you can't see anything in front of you so you hit obstacles constantly. Cure diseases at a hospital by repeating button combos onscreen - wow, they let 11-year olds work in hospitals. And there are a few other jobs that are also terrible but you get the idea. None of this is fun at all. At. Freaking. All. 

The one potentially interesting job you can do is that Milano can get scouted to be an idol, but all that does is open up the most basic boring rhythm minigame possible.

The game is just incredibly extremely boring and not fun. You can play through all 40-days in about two hours, after which you get a ranking based on what you accomplished. The idea is that you're supposed to be motivated to replay it to get a better ranking and do different stuff, but I don't know why you would want to bother.

I can only assume that the presentation is what will draw you in and keep you hooked, but it isn't as if the game is especially cute or charming. It's your basic late 90's anime aesthetic starring an 11-year old girl. Boring. It isn't funny. There are no surprises in the story. Nothing really happens. There are no consequences. It's just nothing.

There is certainly a surface appeal to something like this - It's a Japan exclusive quirky game most of us never even heard of. And the late 90's PlayStation-ness of everything about it kind of gives me the warm fuzzies. But Milano's Odd Job Collection was probably best to leave buried in the past. It's not cute or charming or fun or interesting. It's just - there. In spite of all of that, not even negativity just indifference, I would say you might still want to check it out simply because it's only $15. Publisher Marvelous understood the assignment and priced the game perfectly so you don't feel too bad even if you're disappointed after impulse buying it. Check it out. Or don't. You won't be missing much. 

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